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Health & Fitness

The Importance of Marriage Equality

Gay rights activist, Shane May, shares his personal experiences on why full marriage equality is such an important issue within our country.

I am just a typical stay at home husband. You see, my husband was injured in Iraq back in 2008 and has sustained physical and psychological damages due to his injuries. I am his caregiver and devote my time to making sure he can live the most normal life possible. After 3 years of dating and a year of being engaged we decided to get married and made the journey to Washington, DC. When we came back to Ohio I was so ecstatic, knowing that we could now begin our lives together as any other married couple; only that didn't happen. Once we crossed those lines back into Ohio, my marriage wasn't considered legal. In my heart I was married but in my community and state, I was just a roommate.

Coty and I used our local city-run fitness facility in Cuyahoga Falls for part of his personal therapy. We took proof of our marriage in one day and simply asked for a veteran-spousal membership. The woman behind the desk laughed in our faces while pointing to a sign which had their policies listed stating that the definition of a spouse is per the laws of the State of Ohio. She proceeded to tell us that we were not and would not ever be considered a family and to have a nice day and think about finding somewhere else to go that would welcome our kind. Furious over the way we were treated I reached out to the mayor to let him know how his city employees had treated us. We were continuously ignored and even told to quit calling his office because he would return our call at his convenience.

Not knowing where to turn I created the petition asking for the mayor and city officials to re evaluate their policies and allow same sex couples to receive the same benefits and uses as heterosexual couples. In that instant, it felt as though my entire hometown had turned against us. The mayor publicly called us derogatory names, citizens told us they did not want us swimming in the same pool as them and churches rallied against us calling our love "the flames of evil that once allowed, would surely condemn us all".

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I wasn't trying to change the world. I wasn't trying to cause harm to anyone. I simply wanted for the man I love to be considered my husband in the town I grew up in. The town I thought I loved. I wanted my husband to have the same freedoms and protections that he fought for while overseas. The same rights that his brothers and sisters along side him have yet he is denied simply because he found love within me.

People ask me all the time why I think marriage equality is so important. I have no simple answer to give except look at my life and what I have experienced. Look at how my husband can go off to war only to come home and be denied the right to declare his love to his soul mate let alone get a gym membership. That is why marriage equality is important. That is why I will never stop talking about it. It is about respect. It is about knowing that your marriage is held to the same high standards and protected under law. That you have the freedom to marry not based on gender, but by the love and life you plan on building with another. Coty and I are in the process of having a baby and I can only hope to one day look at my child and know that they are going to grow up in a world where it's okay to have two daddies. Will that day happen soon? Who knows. All I know is that until that day when I can look at my husband and look at my child and know that nobody can separate us, then I will never back down. I will never give up fighting for my right to a happily ever after.

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